write instead of draw as there is no scanner - i am working on a project for the televisual medium and it takes me away from the scanner – indeed if i had a better ……

be quiet i can’t believe you were about to say

what?

you were about to say mobile phone

i was thinking iphone

yes, but you stalled

i did, i stalled

so write what you were going to draw:

the woman with a dowdy jumper looks away from the PC screen. it shines hard in her face, she tries to find a semblance of zone. what would i draw..right now if i could:

don’t rub

what

don’t rub so hard

well

it doesn’t look nice

no but i’m not

please, you don’t have to

i know i don’t have to but I am, doing it

why

because the screen’s too bright and my face, my eyes

oh really,

they don’t look so

does it matter what they look like, i’m not interested

why

no one is

she zips up her dowdy cardigan and crosses her legs and lets the PC light etch deeper into her unlaughing laugh lines.

to show tick tock lullaby and what shall i say about it - 

that’s a joy with film making, a huge privelege, live moment, when you go with a film and it pulsates in front of an audience – and then some smile, some don’t, some relate, some don’t and you talk a little bit about it.

what is filmmaking, what is the making and what is the instinctive creative act

was fassbinder an instinctive filmmaker, more like an actor, who happened to be a director

what about designers who are filmmakers

lets blur all the boundaries, they already are being blurred except in the rigorous terrified portions of the filmmaking and tv making world…

i heard a man on early morning news radio say:

“don’t show emotion or you’ll drive business away”

he was talking about being mean to bankers – as if that’s really who we have to worry about right now.

a knot of rage and defeat clustered in my throat, so i had to draw him:

i don’t who you are but this is you for me -